Costco, will you marry me?

My lovely niece, Jade (Swiffer licking house cleaner) landed a job at The Costco. Oh how we love Jade and oh how we LOVE The Costco. (I don’t actually call it; “The Costco” but people from the Uintah Basin do, and I think it’s funny, so I do it to bug Stephen Eldredge). Well, Jade thought it was quite hilarious that several of her aunts (me and my sisters) called her to say; “Don’t screw this up” kind of like in a mafia sort of way. It went like this; “Jade, you want to sleep with the fishes?, You want to wear cement boots?, then don’t screw this up” And in a mafia kind of voice, or an old lady that’s done a lot of smoking.

Why do we put so much significance on this lovely job of hers, you ask?
First, she’s getting paid like $11.00 an hour- I know, at 18, who gets that?!
Second, she gets benefits. If you’re married, or have children, you know benefits are better than a hot date or a one night stand anytime.
Third, after working there 90 days, they will help pay for skewl. I mean School. I should get a job at Costco, I love their food, their business model, the products and the fact that they can just keep things on pallets and no one bats an eye.

Did you know…
Costco employ’s 132,000 employees
Has annual revenue of 64.4 Billion
Sells a quarter-pound kosher hot dog or Polish sausage and 20 fluid oz drink (with free refill) for $1.50 (same price in 1983 when they opened).
Costco Food Courts ranked as the third largest pizza chain in the nation

Costco, will you marry me?