The Bird Finger

Don’t you love it when people give you the bird finger?! I think it’s hilarious! Now, I’m NOT one of THOSE drivers that causes mischief or readily deserves the finger, but people seem to give it so easily, like they can’t think of anything better to do? C’mon people the finger has been around since France was, well a baby.
About a month ago I was in the drive up at the bank, the car ahead of me preceded forward so I did my transactions and then pulled forward too. Well that car was still stopped in my lane, just ahead of me, so I waited, patiently, thinking “she’s probably counting her cash to make sure” So I waited, la de da, waiting… Then I really look and can see that actually she’s texting. Ok, lady, I’ve given you the two minute, count your money clause, now get going. So I give two honks. (Friendly honks, mind you) and she gives me the bird in the rear view mirror and then proceeds to pull away out of the lane that IM IN WAITING PATIENTLY FOR HER!! The nerve!
Well to my delight she was headed in the same direction as I and so I pulled up next to her as I passed her and she looks at me, I guess to see my reaction, and here is my reaction; I point at her and mouth the word “You” and then I make the- I’m holding a steering wheel action and say the word “drive” and then I hit my chest several times with my right hand and mouth the word “retard”. That’s right, I do the actions and say to her ‘You drive like a retard’! She looks at me in shock {most people do and that’s why I do it] and I smile and speed ahead, knowing I’ve outdone her bird finger.
Just know if you pull out in front of me, you’ll get the horn, if you pass me and do it too closely, you’re also getting the horn. If you don’t use your blinker, when you get close to me, I’ll open & close my fist quickly and mouth to you… Blinker. I would also like to make some signs to keep in the car, fastened to some tongue depressors that I can hold up, I wouldn’t even have to look at the driver but just hold up the little sign as I pass that says things like:
“You’re an idiot”
“Buckle up your kids, I’ve called in your plates”
“Your Gas Cap is open”
I’m sure together we could come up with several useful signs that could be used while driving.
But for now, buckle up, pay attention and watch for the bird!