That Little Weasel, er I mean, Squirrel!

I bought a beautiful large gardening pot from Highland Farms at the first sign of spring. I was going to buy all the flowers and soil to fill the pots for my porch and do it myself but then thought; “Ah, what the heck, I’ll let the Mexicans do it”. Yes, I really thought that. So the pots are home, they’re blooming, they’re beautiful, but for some reason this one large pot is having problems, the flowers are dying, the ivy looks worse for wear. I water, I soak, I talk to the plants, I tell them early morning stories of other plants their age. Still no progress. THEN, maybe you should go use the bathroom, put the kids in front of a DVD and take the phone off the hook because this is where the story gets better… when I met Stephen at home for lunch we noticed a squirrel up on our front porch? Weird? I felt like a Beverly Hill Billy; “Jed Clampett get yer gun, we got us a squirrel settin on the porch, ooh and she’s purdy.” We laughed, and thought nothing more of it. Then, later in the day after I had thoroughly sipped my 44oz Diet Dr. Pepper and my mind was clear, I thought about that squirrel on the porch next to my Dadgum flower pot. I thought some more. What would a squirrel want with my flowers? Odd. Maybe he’s eating them, no, no signs of eaten leaves. So, the sun is just setting behind the west mountains, I go home, I start looking closely at the large flower pot, I’m picking up flowers looking inside and there are holes dug all over in the pot. That little Weasel, I mean Squirrel has been digging holes, uprooting my flowers and plants to store things, mostly nuts, in my flower pot! I’m very proud of him for thinking of food storage, the prophet has asked us all to do this, but he should find his own #10 can, don’t you think? I want to put a little sign that says; “No Vacancy” but he probably can’t read and it would take me longer to make the cute little sign and attach a wire to the top than to find Stephen’s Shotgun in the safe. What do you do with a squirrel besides shoot it and grill it for dinner on a Saturday night? Or catch it with a net, throw it in the trunk and drive it to a remote camping area where it will feel more at home with the bears? Or catch it, hit it on the head, put it in a box, then put that box in another box, then mail that box to myself and when it arrives, SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER! What would you do with the little Weasel, I mean Squirrel?